Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
