Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
