I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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