I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
