best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
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It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
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So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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