suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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