Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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