well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
