you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
