he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
