Christians are straight up FREAKS
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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