yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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