youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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