Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i dont even know how to be here
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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