I wish my penis had an off switch
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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