that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
