Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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