my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
