I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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