So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
