at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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