Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
