I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
