great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
