Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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