Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
