I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
