when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
