I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize