Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
