Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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