Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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