I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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