I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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