I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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