you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
