Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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