I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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