Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
