I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
