Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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