is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
