I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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