oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
