Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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