Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
