i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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