My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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