My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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