I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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