i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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