I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
