two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
