My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
her vagine was all disorganized.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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