I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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