You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
