i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
