if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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