somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
